I think I have kind of put off writing this because,
although medically speaking the surgery went well, things have been all kinds of
difficult. I hadn’t realised that it was such a big op until the day of
surgery, which is probably just as well because I was already scared, but that
also meant I underestimated the aftermath. I was in hospital for a week, which was its
own adventure involving a ward move and inedible food, and was I was mainly in
pain, sick and tired for the duration. I did manage to stay awake for a friend’s
visit but balked at asking anyone else to come along just because I was in such
a state. Post op complications that were pretty minor for the medics didn’t
really feel that way for me and my return home was characterised by numerous
journeys back to hospital along with continuing pain, fatigue and nausea. I am
just coming up to 4 weeks post op, so there is an element of my own impatience
in here, but it was miserable.
Most of the time I am just putting one foot in front
of the other and getting on with what I can, rather than being miserable, but sometimes that isn't possible. It is difficult to still have pain, fatigue and nausea all on-going to some
degree. I have been back to see the surgeon and everything is healing as it
should be, the few on-going post op issues aren’t going away any time soon but
nobody is particularly bothered about them except me. The histology from
surgery is good, in so far as all the cancer has either been removed or zapped
by chemo. I am still worried about the lymph node involvement, although it
wasn’t many nodes, my cancer may have travelled. Nobody does anything to check
this. Patients are left to find the symptoms
of secondary cancers themselves which we all find scary.
As ‘all is well’ we now go ahead with the radiation.
I’ve been warned about side effects from radiation, guess what, pain, nausea
and fatigue are in there! I will always be grateful to be someone who can be
treated but that doesn’t make the treatment any less brutal or less of a
conveyor belt. I am also grateful to the lovely friends and neighbours who have
been so kind and supportive. There are times when I can hardly process this experience,
let along face it head on, and having them there to face something quite this
frightening with me has been priceless.
